Monday, 19 March 2012

Let Sleeping Turtles Lie

When I read last week that they were going to be making a new Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles film, I knew not to expect much.

Then I found out Michael Bay was producing it & Jonathan Liebesman (the guy responsible for Battle: Los Angeles) was directing it, I figured that makes sense, who better to ruin another childhood memory than the guy who butchered Transformers & his explosion loving, plot hating friend?

This is not a Transformer
THIS is a Transformer

Then I saw the short video below & I lost my shit.

Aliens? Are you fucking kidding me?

As a kid I loved the Turtles, maybe even more than Star Wars. I had all the toys, the bed sheets, curtains, you name it, if it had those four wise cracking, Pizza loving "Heroes in a half shell" on it - I had it. I once even tried to colour myself in green using felt tipped pens but emerged from my room crying after only making it to my left elbow before running out of green pens, I wanted to be a Turtle that much!

I'm not expecting him to make a Turtle film aimed at 25-30 year olds in an attempt to capture the nostalgia market, we don't buy enough toys, but why not make them Dolphins instead of Turtles, maybe have them know Judo instead? Make something even slightly original & shit instead of just raping another much loved 80's/90's franchise without even having the decency to lube up first?


I suppose we should be thankful that he's changing the name to simply "Ninja Turtles", so as to distance it from the many other remakes/reboots/regurgitations this once massive franchise has previously endured but still, I think they should just leave well enough alone. 

The Turtles have had their day.

I think this movie is going to suck & I'll be staying well away from it, instead getting my nostalgia trips from the original (& best) Turtle movie & the original animated show from the 90's but I'm sure this'll make an ass load of cash regardless of how bad it is or how much Bay & his friends fuck with the story

Watch the intro for the 90's TV show above & join me in remembering just how awesome they were.

Loveable Turtle-esque Alien Ninjas is pegged for a Summer 2013 release, so hopefully the Mayans where right & we'll all be dead by then...

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